ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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