Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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