I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She even gives head with a lisp.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
