recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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