hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
