Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
