pop tarts are not kleenex
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
