hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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