She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
