this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
