sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
