i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
