Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
