Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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