is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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