I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You were trust falling into bushes
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
tell me about the fingering
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