ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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