After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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