soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
