you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
