so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
