You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
