Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
