We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
im holly from the hills drunk
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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