they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
how do flat chested girls get laid?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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