I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
