Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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