every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
