just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
