i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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