so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Less talking, more tequila
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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