i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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