Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
