I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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