cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
