Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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