So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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