i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
