I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
