6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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