So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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