I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
