Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Randomize
