i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
