That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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