We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
