Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
