The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
