Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
