Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she looked like the before picture.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
