i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
