I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Semen is not good for contacts.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
3pm strippers are depressing
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
