WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
