I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
whose ass print is on the piano?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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